A Little Bit More

Wow it's been a long time I didn't write since last June. I guess I was too busy with things and kinda lose the ideas to write?

By the way, November is almost end, and, well, in 2 days we'll be in December which means there will be Christmas and it will be raining much more than November. November rain is just the beginning, guys. And no, that wasn't a preference to Guns N' Roses.

The end of November also means that I'll have this upcoming final evaluation on my architecture design in school. This is suck, but I really need to do my best (and I'm trying not to have any fucking breakdowns in between) so I can pass this one. I don't want to do it again next year because, fuck this shit.
(note: if you're an architecture lecturer of mine, please don't mine the swearing words, it was just how I feel right now about the upcoming evaluation ._. )(I bet you swear this much too when you were in your uni days, especially when it's near evaluation hehe).

Um, I guess that's all I wanna talk about  this time. I really need to go back doing the fucking homework :p

Bye, see you next post, dearie!

Seeking For Love: Not That Easy, Dude!

Love.
It is a strong word, and it does affect how the way we look toward things in this world. And talking about love, I'm going to talk about how it feel like to be in love as you grow older.

As a kid, I used to dream about having a cute boyfriend and a romantic relationship with a guy I love. And believe it or not, I used to told boys I liked back then that I liked them. And then my relationship (under the context friendship) is getting awkward. Needless to say that I was just a kid and I didn't know anything about love, I (and those boys) misunderstood love with this thing called "like", and to be honest, I was pretty much affected by shoujo mangas that showed me that girls can confess too.

Also, you can deny to believe it but I had 8 exes. No, I didn't collect them for love but yes, mostly I do collect them just for having fun and some are for what I thought was "love". I am proudly say that in my junior and high school days, I was easily get boys and I don't fucking now why. Sadly, it is only my junior and high school days. I seriously have no boyfriend for these 2 years thanks to university life and my punk style that is too perfect for ya mainstream peasant boys out there. Nah, just kidding, it's all because university life only. And probably I do over-fucking-qualified for mainstream boys.

To be honest, I had a crush to this boy in uni that always makes me act weird anytime he appear somewhere around me.
Detail: 2 years, since the first time I saw him on ospek kuliah a.k.a love at the first sight.
More detail: I'm almost done with my 2nd year in uni, so it means I'm going to be a 3rd year uni student.
Another detail: I'm getting intrigued by myself, is it really love, am I obsessed, or just a crush?
So, yeah, you know, I waited for a long time and these days, I can see it won't happen, so I decide to move on for ever, for good.

Not long after, I met another guy. I won't give you detail but after the meeting, I know it is too early, but there is something I feel. Have you ever felt something so strong but you're not sure what is it, and that feeling is just resonating through your mind, like your instinct, your unconscious mind is trying to tell you that there is something good that will happen to you the moment you met someone for the very first fucking time? Because that is what I feel these days, it is quite scary and weird because I never felt something like this before. I feel like it is a sign, leading to something but I don't know what is it. And I'm afraid if I hoping too much. I panicked for 4 days straight now. More panicked when I see a video of him singing, it's on youtube. He seriously has a good voice, wait, no, he has an amazing voice I would like him to sing me a serenade every night before I sleep. Wait, what the fucking fuck have I done?

This make me think, if it is love, then, I really want to be in love, but I do scared of falling in love. Although I'm a hopeless romantic, I admit it, it is hard for me to truly fall in love with someone. Once I fall for someone, it will not work out as I imagined it to be. It makes me feel insecure about all aspects of myself, all the time. And I come to this conclusion I made - I don't even love myself, so how can I keep falling for other who also don't love me? I am also scared to death if I have to be broken again, I'm quite broken right now, so why fall in love just to be broken for one more time?

This probably sounds weird for you to read this from a 19 years old, and I, myself feel weird to told you about thing that you may knew before I do. As I grow older, I realised one thing for sure: falling in love as an adult is not as easy as I thought. It gets harder to fall in love with someone, and it is harder to let go of your pain. And when you're in love as an adult, you know for sure when to stop, when to move on. You decide it. You decide to move on and although it is hard, you know you'll be okay. And I realised that I don't want to play love game anymore even though I'm not ready (and probably not wanting) a marriage right now. I want a long term relationship because I'm tired of playing.

So, that's all I can say right now. See you guys on my next post :")

The Lost Kids: Malang-Batu, Day 1 (Photos)

And as I promised you in my last post, I will serve you some cool and silly photos on our first day in Malang. Here you go!

Booty booty booty booty!

Nothing's gonna change my love for susu kotak.

Don't eat me! I'm full of flesh but I'm not tasty.

Mbak-mbak Kuriya dan Sepatu Terbang will be a good title for Indonesian FTV, I guess?

Spoiler alert! Spiderman Re-make cast. Who will be the next Mary-Jane (or Gwen)? You decide!

Kefas tried to kiss that ninja.

Yes, Yoshe, you almost got it.

Me trying to "kiss" this ninja statue and end up looking into his eyes like I'm ready to torture him to death for any secret information because I am so short ._.

A new water bender is here.
Ps: that whale is like 'meh whatever'

If only this thing is real. WHY CAN'T THIS BE REAL?!

I AM LITERALLY TOO SHORT FOR ANYTHING AND IT MAKES ME MAD LIKE WHY CAN'T I GOT SOME COOL PHOTOS WITH THIS PAIR OF WINGS?

Almost going home, but we need to take a good group shoot so, here we are, posing in front of the mini Carousel, thanks to a kind stranger!

The Lost Kids: Malang-Batu, Day 1

Hello guys! So, few weeks ago, on January 13-14, me and my friends went to Malang city. I am sorry to post this story a month after it happened, I was too lazy and not in the right mood to write. And finally I have the mood! It is late but, I also want to give some review of places I visited when I was in Malang city.

Here's our first day. Our first day started at January 13, 7:00 a.m. We already set up our meeting place but apparently we were kinda late. It was 8:00 a.m. when we were on minibus and ready to go to our holiday destination. Yayyy!! :D

Oh, yeah, to be honest, this was my first time having a holiday outside the town with my friends. That's why I said it is exciting to have a holiday together with your crazy friends.

The chaos hasn't started yet. The chaos will start soon. *evil laugh*
Captured by Kannigia

I forgot at what time were we arrived at Malang, probably about 10 or 10:30 a.m. because that was the time when we were having lunch at Gang Djangkrik. Hehee.

Me trying to capture the "Gang Djangkrik" writing as a proof that I was really there.
Source: Vela's phone. Pardon that cam360-like effect ._.

Group selfie.
This photo was edited  because the original one was too bright, and the result is still weird.
Source: Vela's phone

After a nice lunch, it was about 12:00 p.m. when we arrived at our guesthouse we booked few days before. The name is Armyn Luxury Guesthouse, located at Jalan Telomoyo no. 22, Malang. I recommended this guesthouse for everyone out there who wants to go to Malang but doesn't know where to sleep. The price is quite affordable, especially if you're planning to go with your friends. But, my advice is, if your group is consist of about 8-10 person, just book the family room with extra bed because the family room is quite big. And don't forget to be sneaky because you don't want to get caught and pay more hehehe.

Here's our first day room selfie.

Testing the selfie stick on girls' room minus Edgar and Lexy.
The chaos almost started.
Source: Kefas' phone

And then, after some rest, me and my friend went to a cafe near Armyn. It is called Madam Wang Secret Garden, located on Jalan Telomoyo no. 12. I didn't order some drinks or food there so I can't really give you a review for food and beverages things, but I got some good photos. First thing that came into my mind was Madam Wang was a good place, it's cozy enough, but there were not much seats. The outdoor place is pretty good. And then if you choose to go indoor, there will be this cool wall.

Awkward pose, angel wings.
My friend and my dad didn't understand that I want it to be a little bit candid lol.
Source: instagram (@augustxargon)

See? It was a pair of wings composed by food but believe me, it makes your photo much cooler ehehe. Also I got that lighting which makes my friend went "hey I want to get that light too", but after some shoot he still doesn't get the lighting he wanted.

After spending some time, we went back to Armyn, getting ready to go to another place.

Me goofing around while my friends were about to getting ready because I was done first.
Source: instagram (@augustxargon)

What am I doing -_-
Captured by Kannigia.

When I saw this, I was like "Hmm, I'm pretty and cute here."
Captured by Kannigia.

Okay, enough room selfies and stuffs. Let's go the next chapter.

First, we went to a milk shop at Batu which is so famous. The milk shop located near alun-alun Batu. When I was a kid, I used to go there with my family for once a while. We took another selfie (again).

Before we went into the milk shop. Welcome to the Black Parade, kids!
Source and captured by Kannigia.

I'm so tiny like an atom here.
Source: Kannigia's phone.

No, I wasn't endorsed by the shop. It's just me loving this milk with all my heart <3
Captured by Kannigia.

The famous fresh milk.
Source: my own phone

Here's a review for the milk: tasty and delicious as always. The taste on the picture above is melon (honeydew) and I liked it because it tastes so good. I bought a liter because the small one is not enough for a milk-lover like me. Besides cold milk like this one, this shop also sells hot milk that you can drink right in the place.

After those milky-things, we had some dinner and then we went to BNS. Yayyyy! As I predicted, the ticket price was Rp 20.000,00. Inside, I wanted to play something extreme but nobody plays something. Also, it was gerimis (I don't know what's the English for gerimis, I am sorry dear foreign readers *insert sad emoji here*).

Altough it was gerimis, we found a new place inside, it's 3D Art Museum. We took cool photos inside. Not only cool ones, but also silly ones. You can see them here.

So, yeah, that's all my first day in Malang. See you on the next post! :D

Random Rants About Family

So, we all know that Lunar New Year or what Indonesian people said is Chinese New Year is a time of the year when a big family are gathering together, doing stuffs and talking, and so on. Also, the most common things that happened is giving angbao (or hongbao) to children and young people who are still single.

For an instant information, I am a mixed blood, my ancestors from dad's side are Chinese (which is probably the reason why my dad's family's eyes are quite small lol) and my mom's side is Javanese. I should be at least pretty because they said mixed babies are the cutest but why am I not?

Well, what I want to say is, even though I don't like, and by I don't like I mean I hate being a Chinese descendant, but I do want to have a family gathering like my friends do. I honestly envy them so much. For me, it feels soooo unfair. My friends kept getting those fucking red packages every fucking Chinese New Year, and the most important of all is that family gathering thingy that I my family never had again since I was in junior high. Or maybe since I was in my 5th grade. Or whatever time is that, I never got it anymore.

*speaks to self*
Talking about Chinese New Year, it is also about family gathering, right? And here we go: these people will read about me ranting about things (un)related to Chinese New Year things.

Oh wait, it is actually related because I will tell you this about my family. This doesn't mean that I can't keep my mouth shut but it is because I only need a place to rant.

Somehow, there is some embarassment in myself everytime I see my friend uploading their Chinese New Year event with their family. I feel embarassed because why can't my family having some gathering like this? I guess they are busy with their shits they forgot that their family is not only them with their sons or daughters but also bigger part of the family. The only time my family can really meet is when there are a birthday party or someone's wedding. BUT STILL, NOWADAYS, IT IS NOT ALWAYS LENGKAP. I am in rage now. Oh god, I am really angry and sad at the same time.

More sad because I know there will be rants from kids who said "angpaoku cuma dapet sekian" while that sekian means Rp 300.000-500.000,00. Hey kids, that's so unfortunate of you that you only got those.

About family itself, I grow up believing that the family from dad's side will always be okay and I used to have this expectation. Until one day, I grew up and realised that I was so stupid for believing things like that. I even believe that sometimes you can't and you know you don't trust one side of your own family. My trust for them is fading away from year to year. It has big effect on my relationship with them. I used to be okay and I used to be a friendly-to-family kind of person, and now I am not that kind of person anymore. It's all because I rarely meet them. I am closer to my mom's side for sure.

If you are my family and reading this, please know that:
1. I don't like some of you, if I feel that you are okay, then you should be proud of yourself for making this little whiny bitch feel fond of you (even if it's not really but at least you know I don't hate you).
2. Even though I don't like most of you, but you are my family and since I am stuck here with you please make a regular family gathering because you already know why.
3. If you understand this but you don't give any explanation of why we still don't have any family gathering things, you are an asshole.
4. If you already make one and it's not complete, well, then, please usahain lah ya, masa ga mau ketemu keluarga sendiri? Duh!
5. I really like you guys I probably will say fuck you with a smiley face (or is it better with a  smirk or no expression instead of some plain smile?) to any of those who I don't really like :)

Last, I'm not sorry for saying a lot of sarcasm to you. I'm in the mood for it. Don't need to feel bad for me, feel bad for you, okay.

Happy Chinese/Lunar New Year!

Stressed, Depressed, but Well Dressed

This holiday I feel more stressed than usual. It's not like I'm not enjoying my holiday, but there is something I can't stop think about. Yes. It's about my grades last semester.

I admit it, I didn't do well last semester. Instead of doing things right, I felt like I screwed up almost everything. School subjects, especially merancang was the hardest part of my life. I'm not even joking about merancang. It was like buah simalakama, you go forward and you'll screwed up, or you go back but you'll be left behind.

I wish architecture was as easy as construct a building using Lego bricks set.
And no, this post isn't sponsored by Lego.

Long story short, the holiday came and I had a dream about nggak lulus merancang. After I dreamt that, I became aware that I might getting stressed and I read signs of stressed people. There was a point saying that stressed people might lose weight without them trying hard. And I was shocked because I checked my weight and I lose without even trying. Am I really stressed?

Architecture and merancang doesn't let me live my normal life.

Of course, there is time where I felt better but today, I got another fucking mental breakdown, again. Maybe it was my bad that I didn't do things well and asal pilih kepanitiaan which led me to my maximum breakdown and getting tired. I felt bored of things, jenuh, and I was too fucking tired. I need some fucking recreation in which my family can't really do that because my family condition isn't fucking good. It doesn't end like that. There was still much bigger, harder pressure I had to bear: competition in studio. I understand I wasn't the best student with best grade. Sometime it is fun and good to be in a same class with these smart-ass people, but it also increasing the goddamn standard of how hard we should work and blahblahblah. The point is: I am fucked up.

How about sobbing architectural-ly since I'm an architecture student?

Yeah, maybe when all the results are out I'll sob uncontrollably, gross, dramatically and hysterically while I'm wearing fancy clothes or at least cool clothes. I need to dress well even if I'm sobbing, right?

Drink wine while sob? Sassy (or classy?).

Sob like Leo DiCaprio?
Maybe I'll get Oscar instead of good scores.

When I try to say something but can't stop crying.

So, yeah, I hope my scores are not bad, nilai mepet pun aku rela :') I'll be the happiest person in the world if I pass and then I'll walk out of the place like this.

Feel it, bitch.

Deathly Year

For me, 2014 is the year of death. Maybe it's not really like that, but I heard at least 4 death news and 2 missing plane news in a year. Oh okay, maybe not really a year but at least this year, that's what I know. But, you know, from suicide, illness, missing planes, you name it.

*sigh*

The hardest news to hear are the first death and the last missing plane. The first death was a suicide of a boy who were attending the same university as me. I know some things about him, even I don't know him personally, but I just can't stand suicide. Suicide is selfish, because you don't even think about how it will affect people who loves you. You never think about how it will leave any scars in another people's heart. And it's not worth to do. When you regret the choice, it is too fucking late to go back. You can't go back to life, you are not a fucking cat with 9 lives. We only live once.

And then this missing plane news. I don't want to be naive, most of them won't be safe. I knew and I had this bad feeling since the missing AirAsia news popped up on tv and any medias. It's quite weird, I didn't know what's this weird feeling until SAR team confirmed that they found the bodies and plane pieces floating on the sea. I almost cry right when I see the news. It is a heartbreaking news. Most of them are acquintances of my friends and, yeah, just like that, I can't explain it since it's a sensitive yet hard to explain.

I will say that I am sorry and I'm giving my deepest condolences to all these people, especially these people's families who lost their loved ones. It's really hard to lose them, I know.

May the souls find their way home, safe and sound.