Seeking For Love: Not That Easy, Dude!

Love.
It is a strong word, and it does affect how the way we look toward things in this world. And talking about love, I'm going to talk about how it feel like to be in love as you grow older.

As a kid, I used to dream about having a cute boyfriend and a romantic relationship with a guy I love. And believe it or not, I used to told boys I liked back then that I liked them. And then my relationship (under the context friendship) is getting awkward. Needless to say that I was just a kid and I didn't know anything about love, I (and those boys) misunderstood love with this thing called "like", and to be honest, I was pretty much affected by shoujo mangas that showed me that girls can confess too.

Also, you can deny to believe it but I had 8 exes. No, I didn't collect them for love but yes, mostly I do collect them just for having fun and some are for what I thought was "love". I am proudly say that in my junior and high school days, I was easily get boys and I don't fucking now why. Sadly, it is only my junior and high school days. I seriously have no boyfriend for these 2 years thanks to university life and my punk style that is too perfect for ya mainstream peasant boys out there. Nah, just kidding, it's all because university life only. And probably I do over-fucking-qualified for mainstream boys.

To be honest, I had a crush to this boy in uni that always makes me act weird anytime he appear somewhere around me.
Detail: 2 years, since the first time I saw him on ospek kuliah a.k.a love at the first sight.
More detail: I'm almost done with my 2nd year in uni, so it means I'm going to be a 3rd year uni student.
Another detail: I'm getting intrigued by myself, is it really love, am I obsessed, or just a crush?
So, yeah, you know, I waited for a long time and these days, I can see it won't happen, so I decide to move on for ever, for good.

Not long after, I met another guy. I won't give you detail but after the meeting, I know it is too early, but there is something I feel. Have you ever felt something so strong but you're not sure what is it, and that feeling is just resonating through your mind, like your instinct, your unconscious mind is trying to tell you that there is something good that will happen to you the moment you met someone for the very first fucking time? Because that is what I feel these days, it is quite scary and weird because I never felt something like this before. I feel like it is a sign, leading to something but I don't know what is it. And I'm afraid if I hoping too much. I panicked for 4 days straight now. More panicked when I see a video of him singing, it's on youtube. He seriously has a good voice, wait, no, he has an amazing voice I would like him to sing me a serenade every night before I sleep. Wait, what the fucking fuck have I done?

This make me think, if it is love, then, I really want to be in love, but I do scared of falling in love. Although I'm a hopeless romantic, I admit it, it is hard for me to truly fall in love with someone. Once I fall for someone, it will not work out as I imagined it to be. It makes me feel insecure about all aspects of myself, all the time. And I come to this conclusion I made - I don't even love myself, so how can I keep falling for other who also don't love me? I am also scared to death if I have to be broken again, I'm quite broken right now, so why fall in love just to be broken for one more time?

This probably sounds weird for you to read this from a 19 years old, and I, myself feel weird to told you about thing that you may knew before I do. As I grow older, I realised one thing for sure: falling in love as an adult is not as easy as I thought. It gets harder to fall in love with someone, and it is harder to let go of your pain. And when you're in love as an adult, you know for sure when to stop, when to move on. You decide it. You decide to move on and although it is hard, you know you'll be okay. And I realised that I don't want to play love game anymore even though I'm not ready (and probably not wanting) a marriage right now. I want a long term relationship because I'm tired of playing.

So, that's all I can say right now. See you guys on my next post :")

The Lost Kids: Malang-Batu, Day 1

Hello guys! So, few weeks ago, on January 13-14, me and my friends went to Malang city. I am sorry to post this story a month after it happened, I was too lazy and not in the right mood to write. And finally I have the mood! It is late but, I also want to give some review of places I visited when I was in Malang city.

Here's our first day. Our first day started at January 13, 7:00 a.m. We already set up our meeting place but apparently we were kinda late. It was 8:00 a.m. when we were on minibus and ready to go to our holiday destination. Yayyy!! :D

Oh, yeah, to be honest, this was my first time having a holiday outside the town with my friends. That's why I said it is exciting to have a holiday together with your crazy friends.

The chaos hasn't started yet. The chaos will start soon. *evil laugh*
Captured by Kannigia

I forgot at what time were we arrived at Malang, probably about 10 or 10:30 a.m. because that was the time when we were having lunch at Gang Djangkrik. Hehee.

Me trying to capture the "Gang Djangkrik" writing as a proof that I was really there.
Source: Vela's phone. Pardon that cam360-like effect ._.

Group selfie.
This photo was edited  because the original one was too bright, and the result is still weird.
Source: Vela's phone

After a nice lunch, it was about 12:00 p.m. when we arrived at our guesthouse we booked few days before. The name is Armyn Luxury Guesthouse, located at Jalan Telomoyo no. 22, Malang. I recommended this guesthouse for everyone out there who wants to go to Malang but doesn't know where to sleep. The price is quite affordable, especially if you're planning to go with your friends. But, my advice is, if your group is consist of about 8-10 person, just book the family room with extra bed because the family room is quite big. And don't forget to be sneaky because you don't want to get caught and pay more hehehe.

Here's our first day room selfie.

Testing the selfie stick on girls' room minus Edgar and Lexy.
The chaos almost started.
Source: Kefas' phone

And then, after some rest, me and my friend went to a cafe near Armyn. It is called Madam Wang Secret Garden, located on Jalan Telomoyo no. 12. I didn't order some drinks or food there so I can't really give you a review for food and beverages things, but I got some good photos. First thing that came into my mind was Madam Wang was a good place, it's cozy enough, but there were not much seats. The outdoor place is pretty good. And then if you choose to go indoor, there will be this cool wall.

Awkward pose, angel wings.
My friend and my dad didn't understand that I want it to be a little bit candid lol.
Source: instagram (@augustxargon)

See? It was a pair of wings composed by food but believe me, it makes your photo much cooler ehehe. Also I got that lighting which makes my friend went "hey I want to get that light too", but after some shoot he still doesn't get the lighting he wanted.

After spending some time, we went back to Armyn, getting ready to go to another place.

Me goofing around while my friends were about to getting ready because I was done first.
Source: instagram (@augustxargon)

What am I doing -_-
Captured by Kannigia.

When I saw this, I was like "Hmm, I'm pretty and cute here."
Captured by Kannigia.

Okay, enough room selfies and stuffs. Let's go the next chapter.

First, we went to a milk shop at Batu which is so famous. The milk shop located near alun-alun Batu. When I was a kid, I used to go there with my family for once a while. We took another selfie (again).

Before we went into the milk shop. Welcome to the Black Parade, kids!
Source and captured by Kannigia.

I'm so tiny like an atom here.
Source: Kannigia's phone.

No, I wasn't endorsed by the shop. It's just me loving this milk with all my heart <3
Captured by Kannigia.

The famous fresh milk.
Source: my own phone

Here's a review for the milk: tasty and delicious as always. The taste on the picture above is melon (honeydew) and I liked it because it tastes so good. I bought a liter because the small one is not enough for a milk-lover like me. Besides cold milk like this one, this shop also sells hot milk that you can drink right in the place.

After those milky-things, we had some dinner and then we went to BNS. Yayyyy! As I predicted, the ticket price was Rp 20.000,00. Inside, I wanted to play something extreme but nobody plays something. Also, it was gerimis (I don't know what's the English for gerimis, I am sorry dear foreign readers *insert sad emoji here*).

Altough it was gerimis, we found a new place inside, it's 3D Art Museum. We took cool photos inside. Not only cool ones, but also silly ones. You can see them here.

So, yeah, that's all my first day in Malang. See you on the next post! :D