So, we all know that Lunar New Year or what Indonesian people said is Chinese New Year is a time of the year when a big family are gathering together, doing stuffs and talking, and so on. Also, the most common things that happened is giving angbao (or hongbao) to children and young people who are still single.
For an instant information, I am a mixed blood, my ancestors from dad's side are Chinese (which is probably the reason why my dad's family's eyes are quite small lol) and my mom's side is Javanese. I should be at least pretty because they said mixed babies are the cutest but why am I not?
Well, what I want to say is, even though I don't like, and by I don't like I mean I hate being a Chinese descendant, but I do want to have a family gathering like my friends do. I honestly envy them so much. For me, it feels soooo unfair. My friends kept getting those fucking red packages every fucking Chinese New Year, and the most important of all is that family gathering thingy that I my family never had again since I was in junior high. Or maybe since I was in my 5th grade. Or whatever time is that, I never got it anymore.
*speaks to self*
Talking about Chinese New Year, it is also about family gathering, right? And here we go: these people will read about me ranting about things (un)related to Chinese New Year things.
Oh wait, it is actually related because I will tell you this about my family. This doesn't mean that I can't keep my mouth shut but it is because I only need a place to rant.
Somehow, there is some embarassment in myself everytime I see my friend uploading their Chinese New Year event with their family. I feel embarassed because why can't my family having some gathering like this? I guess they are busy with their shits they forgot that their family is not only them with their sons or daughters but also bigger part of the family. The only time my family can really meet is when there are a birthday party or someone's wedding. BUT STILL, NOWADAYS, IT IS NOT ALWAYS LENGKAP. I am in rage now. Oh god, I am really angry and sad at the same time.
More sad because I know there will be rants from kids who said "angpaoku cuma dapet sekian" while that sekian means Rp 300.000-500.000,00. Hey kids, that's so unfortunate of you that you only got those.
About family itself, I grow up believing that the family from dad's side will always be okay and I used to have this expectation. Until one day, I grew up and realised that I was so stupid for believing things like that. I even believe that sometimes you can't and you know you don't trust one side of your own family. My trust for them is fading away from year to year. It has big effect on my relationship with them. I used to be okay and I used to be a friendly-to-family kind of person, and now I am not that kind of person anymore. It's all because I rarely meet them. I am closer to my mom's side for sure.
If you are my family and reading this, please know that:
1. I don't like some of you, if I feel that you are okay, then you should be proud of yourself for making this little whiny bitch feel fond of you (even if it's not really but at least you know I don't hate you).
2. Even though I don't like most of you, but you are my family and since I am stuck here with you please make a regular family gathering because you already know why.
3. If you understand this but you don't give any explanation of why we still don't have any family gathering things, you are an asshole.
4. If you already make one and it's not complete, well, then, please usahain lah ya, masa ga mau ketemu keluarga sendiri? Duh!
5. I really like you guys I probably will say fuck you with a smiley face (or is it better with a smirk or no expression instead of some plain smile?) to any of those who I don't really like :)
Last, I'm not sorry for saying a lot of sarcasm to you. I'm in the mood for it. Don't need to feel bad for me, feel bad for you, okay.
Happy Chinese/Lunar New Year!